Each night, I lay down, my body restless, twitching and itching, resisting comfort, fighting sleep. My mind seeks to disconnect from this physical form, longing for the tranquility that once came effortlessly through substances. Now, sobriety guides me into a new, profound challenge: facing myself directly. Each toss, each turn, each breath takes me deeper into this practice of calm surrender.
In the darkness, my eyes close, and visions begin—beautiful, fleeting glimpses of realities beyond description. Brilliant colors dance, spirals of pure energy swirl, shapes form and dissolve, revealing forests, rivers, creatures of unimaginable grace. Then, harsh reality returns, painful and stark, pulling me from these ethereal realms back into my aching body. The battle continues until, finally, serenity envelops me, and I am one with darkness itself, indistinguishable from the universe.
Recently, a new journey emerges from this sacred stillness—a departure from pure darkness into a dreamscape alive with transcendent beauty. Here, reality softens into vibrant wonder, where indescribable beings float gently, translucent yet solid, glowing in hues unseen by waking eyes. Am I dreaming, or am I glimpsing another dimension, a place our souls might call home after leaving this world behind?
Waking now feels like emerging onto an alien planet, my vision blurred and painful, the light harsh, my surroundings unfamiliar. Each morning, the contrast between where I’ve been and where I return sharpens, teaching me the value of resilience and gratitude. Sobriety has stripped away the veil, forcing me to confront a reality I’ve numbed since childhood. It’s daunting, yet within it, I’ve discovered a profound appreciation for life’s gift, specifically through pain and suffering.
I wonder if others sense this too—this dual existence, this delicate balance between our painful physical world and the luminous serenity we glimpse in quiet moments. Life on Earth teaches lessons of endurance and compassion, testing us continuously with temptations and suffering. Perhaps, though, the purpose isn’t merely to endure, but to embrace life fully, accepting each moment as a gift, finding gratitude precisely in our darkest, most challenging moments.
I believe humanity is at a crossroads, burdened by trauma and fear, yet capable of extraordinary compassion and unity. If we could pause, breathe, and acknowledge our shared pain, perhaps we could heal collectively. Leaders, acting from wounded places, perpetuate suffering. But within us all lies the potential to choose kindness, understanding, and peace.
Tonight, as I close my eyes again, I pray for a world that mirrors the beauty I encounter in those quiet moments of pure connection. A world where suffering ends, replaced by compassion and love, where the universe’s infinite beauty is recognized and cherished. My journey has taught me there is peace beyond pain, unity beyond division, and healing beyond suffering. This is my hope, my prayer, and the dream I choose to believe.
Ken Cox
3-18-2025